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Book Notes: Leadership and Self Deception

  • Don’t treat people as objects, don’t view them as threats, nuisances, or problems
  • “Get out of the box”, which is, viewing people as people
  • Learn people’s names and faces, it humanizes them
  • People don’t respond to what you do as much as who you are being
  • Self-betrayal: an act contrary to what I feel I should do for another
    • Pretending to be asleep when your child cries in the night even though you feel you should get up to help then just do your spouse does instead is self-betrayal. It can then put you in the box because you can start viewing them as lazy and you the victim for not getting up to help
    • When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal
    • When I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted
    • When I betray myself, I enter the box, I become self-deceived
      • Inflate others faults
      • Inflate own virtue
      • Inflate the value of things that justify my self-betrayal
      • Blame
    • Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me and I carry them with me
    • By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box
    • In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collide in giving each other reason to stay in the box
  • What doesn’t work in the box?
    • Trying to change others
    • Doing my best to cope with others
    • Leaving
    • Communicating
    • Implementing new skills or techniques
    • Changing my behavior
  • Self-betrayal leads to self-deception and "the box."
  • When you're in the box, you can't focus on results.
  • Your influence and success will depend on being out of the box.
  • You get out of the box as you cease resisting other people.
  • Don't try to be perfect. Do try to be better,
  • Don't use the vocabulary-"the box, and so on--with people who don't already know it. Do use the principles in your own life.
  • Don't look for others' boxes. Do look for your own.
  • Don't accuse others of being in the box. Do try to stay out of the box yourself.
  • Don't give up on yourself when you discover you've been in the box. Do keep trying.
  • Don't deny that you've been in the box when you have been. Do apologize; then just keep marching forward, trying to be more helpful to others in the future.
  • Don't focus on what others are doing wrong.
  • Do focus on what you can do right to help.
  • Don't worry whether others are helping you.
  • Do worry whether you are helping others.

Justin Hammond
I love all things tech. I've been programming since the age of 12, repairing iPhones since 16, and founding tech companies since 20. I'm an open source fanatic, Apple fanboy, and love to explore new tech. I spend my time coding open source projects, tinkering with electronics and new tech products, and consulting teams on how to get things done.


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